Ask Not, Have Not

Sometimes I wonder if God looks at me from His throne and shakes His head in frustration and disappointment and even sadness. I say this because, especially of late, I've been living as a pauper when in reality I am a princess. I am a daughter of The King of Kings. My Daddy owns everything, and yet do I ask Him for what I need? or do I sit around and moan and complain and worry about my problems and concerns. Do I stop and remember, "Hey, my Heavenly Father has it all. He can take care of this!" or do I focus on what I lack? (In case there is any doubt, I do the latter!)

While the book of James addresses our motivation in our requests, it also says we don't have because we don't ask (James 4:2). Duh! :) I wonder if that is what God says. Or, as my friend Barb Hendrickson says in a saracastic tone, "Hel-LO!" The Gospels talk about not being afraid to ask for what we need. It says something like "Who would give his son a snake if he asked for a fish?" (Matthew 7:10) The same passage says, bascially: ASK! Not only that, but you will receive. I got to thinking about this from another perspective. Knowing how big and powerful and wealthy our God is, why would we ask Him for so little? It's like a Middle Eastern oil tycoon's daughter asking for a lowly camel for transportation when she could ask her father for a Bugatti or three. As infathomably wealthy as some people in the world are, my Daddy is even richer, yet I ask Him for a camel, if I even ask at all. Paul assures us in Philippians 4:19 that "this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been supplied to us in Christ Jesus." Note he says "from His glorious riches." He'll never run out or go broke! No worries, mate, as my Australian friends might say. And Paul also asserts that God "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Eph. 3:20, emphasis mine). Immeasurably! We can't top God. There is nothing too big to ask, for He is bigger. Paul goes on to say He does this "according to His power that is at work within us." Whoa! Did you catch that? That power that allows God to provide us with more than we could ever dream is working in us! Friends, that's heavy. That power raised Christ from the dead. How much more can it raise our finances, our health, our relationships, or whatever we need life breathed into? If we'd only ask.

During my morning routine, I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's Speechless CD. I love the words from "Great Expectations: "Believe the unbelievable, receive the inconceivable, and see beyond my wildest imagination. Lord, I come with great expectations." In the song he sings about a huge banquet we've been invited to as sons and daughters. Our lack of asking God for our needs and of realizing all we have in Him is like a starving homeless man who's been invited into a feast and, instead of pulling up to a table and enjoying the richest of fare, he goes digging through the trash. This also reminds me of another SCC song, "See the Glory." Why would someone do such a thing when such richness is before us? "It's like playing Game Boy in the middle of the Grand Canyon, like eating candy sitting at a gourmet feast, like wading in the pond when I could be swimming in the ocean. Tell me, what's the deal with me?"

Friends, we need to stop living as the prodigal son. It's time to lift our heads from the pig trough and stop eating slop. It's time to realize, "Hey. Why am I wallowing in here and eating like a pauper when my father has everything and then some? Time to go home." Yes, it's time to go Home. Go to your Daddy. He'll meet you more than halfway. Don't be afraid to ask Him for anything. Don't be afraid to dream big. Nothing is too big for our God.

Worry, Part I

I don't know exactly when I discovered this about myself, but I have trust issues. And I'm embarrassed about that, because I'm a Christian and "my God is greater, my God is stronger, my God is higher than any other" (Chris Tomlin, "Our God"). I say I believe that, but my heart tells a different story. I see this play out in many areas of my life, but there are two I want to talk about here today.

The first deals with my intense desire to be "in the know." I had a big argument with my sister the other day (no worries, we're good!), and it boils down to me having to know everything. When my sister brought that up, at first I was resistant, but she's right. And God confirmed that, for the next day I read something in Joyce Meyer's Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battlefield of the Mind that hit me right between the eyes. Power Thought #6 is "I trust God completely; there is no need to worry!" and Proverbs 3:5 ("Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding") is the key verse. She discusses worry, and on p. 162 she says this, "I was a person who wanted to understand everything because it made me feel that I was in control. I was not good at 'not knowing.'" BAM! Bulls eye! Did that make me think! It's not gossip or a power trip that drives me. I think it's more about self-preservation deeply rooted in the thought that "No one is going to take care of me, so I have to take care of myself. In order to do that, I have to have all the information I can get to use when I need it." The more I know about people and what's going on, the more I feel accepted, like I have "people." If I later find out that I was not included in a piece of information, I am deeply hurt. In fact, that happened with someone I thought was my best friend, and instead of her understanding and accepting my hurt and anger over finding out her news the way I did, she ended our friendship.

So, awareness is a big step. I've still got a long way to go with regard to worrying, but like Joyce I am learning to say, "I don't need to know everything about everything. . . . I'm not going to worry about anything because God is in control and I trust Him." I do know worrying is pointless. Jesus said in Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I am slowly learning to take my situations and pray first instead of worrying. I am resolving to trust that Jehovah Jireh will take care of me. He always has. Joyce mentions an old gospel song called "Why Worry When You Can Pray?" Indeed. Doesn't make sense to worry, and this is one reason why God says over and over in His Word "Fear not. Do not worry." My favorite passage pertaining to this is Isaiah 41:10: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Surely I will help you; surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." I'm also reminded of one of my dad's favorite sayings, "What? Me worry?" I think that was made famous by Alfred E. Neuman in his Mad comic book. Exactly. That is the attidude I want Christ to grow in me: I'm a Christian. What? Me worry? Whatever for? A friend recently reminded me of a powerful truth about God found in Ephesians 3:20: God is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work in us" (emphasis mine). This power raised Jesus from the dead, and it's IN ME in the presense of the Holy Spirit. I've heard my hero Nick Vujicic say that "faith" means Full Assurance In The Heart. I want that attitude, "being fully assured that what God has promised, He [is] also able to perform" (Romans 4:21).

Well, I was going to talk about two issues, but that'll have to wait. It's about work, and that's exactly what I need to do right now! :-)

Until next time, keep standing in grace (Rom. 5:2).

Talk about Procrastination!

Oh dear. I had just typed a new entry, but I went to another screen and now that's gone. Briefly, I'm going to start blogging again and I hope you'll enjoy reading my ramblings.

I'm also asking for prayer for my health. Long story short, I'm feeling more stiffness, weakness, achiness, and fatigue since stopping an antiinflammatory after the prescription ran out. I thought it wasn't helping. Turns out it was! I've asked for a refill.

My prayer for you is that you hear that still, small voice of the Spirit speaking to your spirit and that you answer His call and do whatever He tells you. Let us be not merely hearers of the Word but doers also.

Standing in Grace.

Awesome

Mom and I saw the neatest thing today while we were out in the car. It looked like a rainbow made up of clouds, or a rainbow cloud. I've seen spectrums in a patch of sky or around the sun, but this is the first time I've seen clouds like this. We stopped after a moment and I took a few pictures, but the colors are quite pale and the pictures don't do justice to the actual phenomenon, which from what I could find out later is quite uncommon. Very specific conditions have to be met for this to occur, and they were met today. I posted the pictures on my Facebook profile. Mom and I both were in awe of what we considered a display of God's majesty, beauty, and creativity. Enjoy! (Click on the title of this blog, and you'll be taken to a page that explains "circumhorizon arcs" and shows a spectacular picture of one. That's what it looked like for Mom and me.)

Geese and Grace

One of the things I missed most while I was in France was Canadian geese. I've got scores of pictures of my sister and I feeding bread to flocks of geese, and on every trip back home, one thing I made sure to do was go look for geese to feed. Last summer, though, the only geese I could find were at a pond across from the church, and they apparently were not used to people giving out free food, for with every step I took toward them, they took 2 waddles back. So I guess you could say I'm having withdrawal symptoms from not being able to feed my beloved honking birds.

I was in France over 4 years before I discovered that there are Canadian geese there. Of all places, they were on the Seine in a town I'd actually lived in. Then on a trip to London I discovered their smaller cousins; they look just like our geese but are about half the size. I was in goose heaven. However, they weren't always on the river banks, and I wasn't able to go there often, so my goose sightings dwindled to "rien" (nothing).

So one thing I really looked forward to upon moving back to the States was seeing and especially hearing Canadian geese again. Imagine my joy to discover that every morning 2 honkers fly over the house, making sure everyone knows they're coming, on their way to a small pond a couple doors down. I haven't tried to feed these geese because the pond is on private property that was just sold in an auction. So I content myself with just admiring from a distance.

This evening I got a goose glimpse at, all places, church. I'd gone to a new Bible study. The room we met in was near the front of the church and facing the parking lot. At one point I looked out the narrow window and was pleasantly surprised to see a goose. He was clearly agitated, shaking his head every which way and honking loud enough for us to hear from inside. After the study I even got to take pictures of him and his mate as they waddled across the lawn. As I approached, they went the other way, with Mr. Goose showing me his displeasure with some more head shaking and honking.

So what does this have to do with grace? In tonight's study, which is based on weight loss, one of the verses we looked at was Acts 20:24: "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." When I was in France, especially the first few years, I had many lonely times. I feel God stripped away everything and everyone I depended on so I would totally lean on Him. It was during this time that I began to read and really study the Bible. I couldn't get enough. I've since learned that my "gift of the Spirit" is teaching, and I have been showered with so much grace and have been so awed by that concept that I believe that God has given me the ministry of teaching about grace (I consider myself still in training!). So I love coming across verses like Acts 20:24, and I relate to Paul. I feel that telling you about these geese is "testifying to the gospel of God's grace" in a way. For one definition of grace to me is giving me something unexpected, something I don't deserve but get anyway. When I see a goose, I'm awed by God's creation, feeling undeserving of witnessing such beauty but so glad I've been given the gift.

So yes, geese and grace *can* go together!

Bless My Heart

It was another beautiful day here. It's still 82 and sunny! Eat your heart out, Floridians!

I tried a new Sunday school at church today. I chose a women's one led by a lady I respect and admire. It turns out they are on Week 5 of a 6-session Beth Moore study called "Stepping Up" on Psalms 120-134. I love Beth Moore's studies, but I hadn't even realized she had this one. I was able to contribute even though I did not have a book and had not been studying the lessons. I am not sure if I will visit other classes before choosing one or while this one finishes that study or keep going to this one. The worship service was very meaningful. It is so awesome to me to sing some of the same songs I sang at my church in France. One of the two that touched me most today were "Everlasting God (Strength Will Rise)": "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord (x2). Our God, You reign forever. Our hope, our strong Deliverer. You are the everlasting God, the everlasting God. You do not faint. You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak. You comfort those in need. You raise us up on wings like eagles." The other one was "My Savior Lives," with the lyrics: "Our God will reign forever, and everyone will know His name. Everyone together, sing the song of the Redeemer. I know that my Redeemer lives, and now I stand on what He did. My Savior, my Savior lives. Every day a brand-new chance to say, 'Jesus, You are the only Way.' My Savior, my Savior lives. The King has come from heaven, and darkness trembles at His name. Victory forever is the song of the Redeemer. (Chorus) These lyrics pierced my heart, and I just wanted to do as we sang later in "Take My Life and Let it Be" offer up my heart to my God. I am learning to let go and just sway with the music, raising my hands and my heart, offering myself in worship. Today before leaving I made sure to take time and prepare my heart for meeting God with my brothers and sisters, and I could literally feel the difference.

The sermon was the first of a series from 1 Peter, today covering verse 1. What touched me most was the discussion on how these believers to whom Peter was writing were "scattered" and "strangers on the earth." They were foreigners. D, the pastor, described how they had been uprooted and had learned to bloom where they were planted. I really related to that, having lived as a foreigner and never quite feeling like I fit in. I truly believe, as D said, that God planted me back here and has a purpose for it. He is taking the old, dead, ugly seeds I gave Him and is growing them into something beautiful that demonstrates His glory and goodness. That helps make all I'm going through worthwhile. I know beauty will come from these ashes.

Another way God helped heal my heart today is by teaching me to literally go splash in the creek. My friend A and I went to the park, where we had a bag lunch then went down to the creek and waded. She skipped stones; I tried to. I actually was able to do it with the really flat stones a couple times! We had a blast watching this family's black Lab chasing a stick into the water over and over and over. (I posted pictures on Facebook.) We then went to a local creamery and had some homemade ice cream. It was a gorgeous day spent with a dear friend. God has richly blessed me.

How has God blessed you today?

Road Trip Down Memory Lane

I had an exhausting but fun day today. I took a trip down Memory Lane: I went to the town where I went to college, about 40 miles from here. It was a gorgeous day for it, too, in the low 80s and sunny. I started out with lunch at Applebee's, connecting with a high school classmate in the process. She'd lived in Germany for 3 years, so we shared about our European experiences. It's weird; lately I've not had much of an appetite. I ate only half my meal. But that's fine! Since I've been back, I've lost 4 pounds! Then I hit the road, arriving in A. in under an hour. The town has built up some, but for all that has changed, much has remained the same. The friend I went up to see wasn't home yet, so I walked around the tiny campus a little. It was so beautiful there with the redbuds, magnolias, and flowering pears. I even got a picture of one of the nearly tame squirrels that fritter around the grounds. I remember they would even sometimes eat out of my hand! I sat on a bench and promptly got bitten by a big black ant that found its way into my sandal.

I went back to my friend L's place and waited while he cleaned up. He'd worked last night and then had had rehearsal for a band he plays guitar in, and it had run later than he anticipated. We then headed over to the campus hang-out for eating. I had a banana and a SoBe drink. All during my stay there, I kept asking myself where all the students were. I'd forgotten how small a campus it is. It was great to see it and of course to see L. We caught up for a while, then we headed to another building and talked with my French professor for a bit. I saw her twice while I lived in France, and she's going back there at the end of May. Who knows, I might even be able to see her there if the divorce hearing somehow gets scheduled in June. It was great to see her. She's grown her hair out as well! I was feeling like I needed to eat something, so L and I went to Perkins, an old college hangout. We had pie, which he paid for. After talking things over with him, I feel a lot better about some situations in my life. I dropped him off at his apartment and headed back home.

My brother R and his wife C had a "sky trip" today as they returned from their 2nd trip to the Mayo Clinic. She's been diagnosed with sarcoidosis, an inflammatory condition. If she does not respond to treatment for that, they will continue working her up for lymphoma. On top of this, she has a gastrointestinal disease called C. difficile. Ironically, "difficile" means "difficult" in French, and that is exactly what her last 4 months have been. Please pray that their faith in God and each other remains strong during this trial.

Whatever you are facing today, may Isaiah 41:10 be a blessing to you as it has to me lately: "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."